I Still Believe in Fairy Tales

I still believe in fairy tales and pixie dust and all that stuff, do you?  Fairy tales are the types of things that creates hope for us all and keeps us going when we think there is no chance we can make it.  So why would you not believe in hope?  When we are children we believe it all and we believe in magic so why do we change our minds as we age?  We see the bitter reality of the world and let that haze cloud our view of magic and fairy tales but they still exist and every once in a while they come true.  So don't give up hope.  Never give up hope and never stop believing in magic.  Just remember sometimes magic and hope come in a much different form then you expect them to.

Molly is the classic example of a child with hope and belief in magic and unicorns.  Today she reminded Sam that magic is something worth fighting for and that love can last and survive if only you have faith.  Sam and Jason are worlds apart right now and right now the world really does seem to be devastating for them.  But Molly hasn't given up hope so why should we? If Molly can still see the fairy tale in all of this, maybe we should listen to her.  Children are sometimes the most wise and insightful of us all - so don't discount Molly or think she is just foolish.  Perhaps, just perhaps, Molly is the wisest of them all. 

Jason loves Sam more then anything.  Jason is afraid that when he sees this child he will just be reminded of how his love failed Sam and he failed to save her.  Jason doesn't know how to deal with this.  Jason doesn't know what to do because he can't come to peace with the fact he failed Sam.  Jason is so torn because he can't come to terms with any of this.  The truth is Jason needs someone to talk to just as bad as Sam does.  Maybe he should talk to Ewan or someone else to figure it out.  But the truth is Jason is pushing Sam away because he feels he is not worthy of her love or her child.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The truth is Jason isn't worthy of Sam's love but he has it anyways.  So he needs to find a way to come to terms with this and let the past be the past.  He wants to love this baby so badly but he isn't sure he can.  Jason is playing the victim right now seeking advice from Elizabeth which may or may not have less then innocent motives.  Jason needs to get past that and remember he wasn't the one that was harm and the only thing that matters is how he handles things now.  How he decides to move forward is all that matters now.

  The victim here is not only Jason or Sam but it is this child that hasn't even been able to breathe yet.  I can't believe that Jason would let this child that is Sam's face the world without him and be the cause of so much pain for it's mother.  I have a hard time believing Jason will hurt Sam that much. 

Sam is just trying to do what is right by her child because no matter who is the father she is the mother.  This is her only chance at motherhood.  She knows this and loves this child with her whole heart.  That is all this child needs in life is the love of it's mother.  This child will grow up knowing its mother loves it and protected it for 9 months.  This child will have a few amazing aunts and a wonderful grandmother.  So luckily this child can grow up to believe in fairy tales and in pixie dust and all that magical stuff.  That is Sam's hope at least is that she will do everything for her child so it can grow up to be like Molly and believe in magic.  Sam isn't so sure about her future with Jason because she knows the bitter realities of life and all her hopes for a happy ending have been broken.  But she still loves Jason and always will and in that she holds on to her own kind of belief in magic.  As small as that belief is - it is still there too. 

So even if your shed of hope is small and you have monstrous doubts, don't completely give up on magic, hope and fairy tales.  Things will look up soon for JaSam I have faith. 

Doing the Right Thing

Sometimes doing the right thing for yourself  is one of the hardest things you ever have to do. Sometimes the right things seems impossible to do.  Other times doing the right thing is pretty easy to do.  Sometimes we do the right thing but we don't even realize we are doing the right thing until much farther down the road. 

Sam doing the right thing today was pretty hard to swallow but I agree, she did the right thing for herself and the baby.  She walked out on Jason because she wanted to give him space.  She wanted him to have time to think about everything that has happened and didn't want to remind him of Franco.  Maybe with Sam gone Jason can finally get a clear picture of how horrible he has been to her lately.  Jason told Sam he didn't think of her as "tainted" but that is how he made her feel.  Sam was raped and now is faced with the fact the baby she is carrying and loves is the rapist's.  That is a horrible thing to go through but instead of supporting her and telling her he loves her without a doubt and this baby - Jason has pushed her away.  He has made her feel like it was her fault.  He has caused her to doubt everything about herself.  So instead of Sam being weak and deciding to take this doubt and pain Jason is dishing out, she did what was right for HER.  She should not be with someone who can't love the baby she is carrying that she already loves.  This baby is a part of Sam so for Jason to say he isn't sure he can love this child is essentially Jason saying he can not love her completely either.  Sam was raped - Jason was not.  If she can love this child and not think about how it was conceived then Jason should be able to do the same knowing how much he loves Sam.  But instead of loving her and supporting her and being her source of strength he has become her source of pain.  Therefore, leaving him to think is the best thing she can do.  There is no doubt Sam loves Jason and Jason loves Sam.  But unless he can be supportive she doesn't need the constant pain and stress of being around him is causing.

Jason says to Sam it is not her fault that she is carrying a child that is not his but deep down you can't help feel like he is blaming her for some of this. But lets look at Jason's side of things for a minute.   Jason has had an incredibly painful few days.  He was so excited to be a father again and to maybe get fatherhood right this time with this child.  He took the photo from the ultrasound and carried it with him everywhere he went.  He finally had the greatest love of his life with him and they were having a baby together.  This is a dream of Jason's that he has had for 8 years and pretty much his whole life.  Sam is his home she is his everything and this child was created out of their love for one another.  But then that was all taken from him in a blink of an eye.  He has lost his child all over again.  The pain of losing a child is so deep and painful and now he has to live that all over again.  He has also found out not only is the child his wife is carrying not his but that the baby is his twin brother's who raped her.  Oh and lets not forget that twin brother is someone he just killed a few months back because he was a psycho.  And to top it all off he had to basically drag the truth out of his wife and find out she had confided in someone who is trying to take down your organization and appears to be targeting his wife's vulnerability to do so.  Instead of Sam walking away from John McBain she told him personal details of their life.  But none of that really hurts as much as finding out that the baby he loved is not his and the betrayal he feels because of it.   While in his head he knows Sam was raped by Franco it is still extremely hard to wrap his heart around that she is not carrying his baby.  On some level he is so angry it almost seems he is blaming her but it is not her fault and he knows this logically he just isn't thinking logically.  All she is asking him is to support her through this pregnancy and love the child he loved a week ago.  But for Jason he can't do this, at least not yet.  Somewhere deep down he appears to be blaming Sam for being raped and for being pregnant and until he can let go of that anger and blame - he needs to be alone to figure this out for himself.  Jason has had a lot thrown at him and yes, he could be handling things differently but at least he is being honest with Sam now. 

Honesty is what Jason and Sam have built their entire lives on together.  Today they were finally being honest with each other and it seemed to drive them farther apart or did it? Today Jason finally was honest and told Sam he isn't sure how he feels right now.  That words were like flaming daggers into Sam's heart.  But Sam did the right thing for herself and her baby.  She took them out of the equation and all that was left to sit and think was Jason.  Sam leaving (while it being very painful to watch) was probably the best way for Jason to realize how much Sam matters to him and how much he already loves this baby.  I have faith he will figure this out very soon.  Jason lost faith in their love when he started doubting Sam - Sam still believes their loves is stronger then anything in this world.  It's time Jason remembers it too.  Sam leaving will let Jason remember this.

Keep writing and keep faith.  JaSam will weather this storm and come out the other side stronger.